<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Take me back to the night we met by larryislife2828</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346120">Take me back to the night we met</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryislife2828/pseuds/larryislife2828'>larryislife2828</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anorexia, Depressed Louis Tomlinson, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Suicidal Louis Tomlinson, Suicide, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:08:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryislife2828/pseuds/larryislife2828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>~ I had all of you ~<br/>~ I had most of you ~<br/>~ I had some of you ~<br/>~ Now I have none of you ~</p><p>(Louis is falling apart and Harry can't do anything but watch)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Take me back to the night we met</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Any corrections are welcome :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>~ I had all of you ~</em>
</p><p>I couldn’t stop staring at him. He was so beautiful, full of energy. He was the life of the party, making everyone in the room laugh and smile with just a small turn of his lips. He was the sun, lighting up the room, brighter than anyone else.</p><p>I just wanted to kiss him, I wanted to show him how much I loved him. I wanted him to know how beautiful he was, how his voice was like the angels, how his smile could rival the sun, how he just made me feel complete. I needed him like I needed air. Without him my life meant nothing.</p><p>He came over to me, giggling while trying to dance stupidly, but of course, he still looked so beautiful. He grabbed my hand, trying to pull me onto the dance floor.</p><p>“Come on Hazza,” he shouted, voice straining to be heard over the thundering music, ”Dance with me please!”</p><p>I wanted to resist. I really wanted to; but I couldn’t. Who could resist those bright blue eyes that were dancing with such mirth. He looked so sweet, so angelic, so happy that I couldn’t help but follow his lead, letting him pull me to the middle of the dance floor.</p><p>I tried to dance along with the music, moving my body to the beat, but all I could focus on was Louis. He was dancing horribly, and he knew it, but he still looked dazzling. He was captivating, no one could take their eyes off of him, but I wanted him to be mine. I didn’t want to share him with others. I wanted to be able to hold him, to kiss him, to show them that this beautiful boy was taken, but I couldn’t, because he wasn’t.</p><p>After an hour or so we were out of breath, our legs aching from standing so long, our ribs sore from laughing. I once again let him drag me away, smiling fondly to myself. He pulled me outside onto the balcony, patting the spot next to him on the stone bench. The winter air was cooling, relaxing our overheated bodies. I let out a small chuckle and turned to look at him.</p><p>His cheeks were flushed a beautiful red, his soft brown hair moving gently with the wind. His thin lips were pressed together and his eyes were closed, hiding bedazzling blue orbs. He sighed contently, enjoying the fresh breeze. I couldn’t help but keep admiring him, his long lashes that fanned out beautifully, casting long shadows over his sharp cheekbones and his cute button nose.</p><p>He turned his head, eyes wide, looking inquisitively at me, the corners of his lips quirked up, like he was suppressing a small smile. I couldn’t help but whisper an I love you, my eyes closing in fear. I didn’t want to see his reaction, I didn’t want to see the disgust or the pity that may be in his eyes.</p><p>I could feel a soft hand cradling my face, gently stroking my cheekbone. I fearfully opened my eyes expecting to see some form of repulse, but all I could see was warmth. His eyes were shining, a massive smile painted on his face.</p><p>“I love you too” he whispered lightly before he closed the space between us and kissed me delicately. When we parted he looked me in the eyes, “I love you more than anything and I always will.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>~ I had most of you ~ </em>
</p><p>I could see the tiredness radiating from him. There were bags under his eyes. His once bright blue eyes were losing colour, now becoming a stormy gray. The exhaustion was evident and it was killing me. I wanted Louis to be happy again, I wanted him to be as cheerful and carefree as before.</p><p>Ever since that show, ever since he was flown out to LA after it, he hasn’t been the same. All his old clothing, his bright red pants and suspenders, were all pushed to the back of his closet, bringing in the skinny jeans and rough band t-shirts. Long gone was his beaming smile, now replaced with tight-lipped falseness.</p><p>The only time he truly smiled was in private with me and the other boys. The only time I saw the old Louis was on stage, with the fans. The fans were his home, where he felt comfortable being his cute childish self.</p><p>I look over my shoulder at him sleeping soundly on the couch. It amazes me how his face looked so relaxed. The frown that seemed permanently etched on was gone, replaced with his soft lips puffing out small breaths.</p><p>I sometimes wish I could take away the stress and hate from him. Louis never had been one to take hate well. He took everything to heart, believing them immediately. It affected him more than anything reading the false words people wrote about him.</p><p>I sighed softly, trying to ease the incoming headache. We were all stressed out, the toll of the band weighing down on us. We were all scrambling to record our album while touring and it was exhausting us to the point of breakdown. It’s been five years since we first began and I could, sadly, see the end.</p><p>It’s been a few weeks since Zayn sent out his goodbye tweet and left in the midst of the tour. It deeply impacted Louis, who was closest to him. I could see it, how he was withdrawing from everyone, keeping to himself. I could hear him crying himself to sleep at times and I wished I could go up and cuddle him to reassure him that it will all be okay.</p><p>A few weeks later, a heat wave arrived. We were all sweating a storm, fans were on everywhere, the A/C turned up to the full blast. I could see Louis grumpily walk away from the kitchen complaining adorably about how there was no snack left. I walked up to him giving him a small kiss before offering to make him something.</p><p>I could feel him sweating through his clothes and then I realized that he was wearing a great deal of clothing. I could see him wincing as I looked down at him. I couldn’t understand why he would cover himself up so much in the midst of this heat. He peered up at me as I reached down to grab his arm, preparing to roll his sleeves up so that he could breathe a little better. I grabbed the edge before he wrenched his arm away and ran. I was stunned, he never acted like that before. He was always comfortable around me.</p><p>I looked around the tour bus, calling his name softly until I heard soft sobs from inside the bathroom. My heart ached hearing those noises and I could already feel my eyes welling up with tears. I gently opened the door and my heart shattered at the sight in front of me.</p><p>All I could see was the blood streaming down Louis’s arm, forming a small puddle on the pristine white floor. I couldn’t breathe, my breath was caught in my throat, tears starting to stream down my face. I could see Louis staring at me, the horror evident. I fell to my knees and finally came to my senses. I grabbed his arm and started dabbing it with a wet cloth, removing any blood there. I could barely see through the tears, my vision blurred. I carefully wrapped his arm with a bandage before kissing it softly. I could feel him trembling underneath my hold, unable to hold back his tears. All I could let out was a pained sound before I embraced him tightly, holding him for what seemed like hours. I could feel him relaxing into my arms, the shaking slowly coming to a stop. I pulled away and just stared at him.</p><p>“Why?” I brokenly whispered, silently sobbing.</p><p>“It helps. It’s the only thing I can control, it feels so good finally being able to control something in my life, no matter what it is.”</p><p>I couldn’t do anything but cry into his arms. I was unable to move, to function. All I could do was cry, cry all the pain and frustration away, cry everything that I’ve been holding back, every emotion and every thought I was storing away for later.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>~ I had some of you ~ </em>
</p><p>Louis’s face was void of emotion on our drive back home. I could still see his face, the way his smile dropped, and his face paled. I could still imagine the way he dropped to his knees after the call ended, tears silently flowing down over his beautiful cheekbones, and all I could do was hold him. All I could do was reassure him that his mum was now an angel and she will always be there looking after him. I couldn’t stop the crying and I couldn’t promise him that it would be okay.</p><p>Once we got home, he silently walked to our room and huddled underneath the warm bed sheets. It was like living with a ghost. I tried to feed him, but he wouldn’t move, he wouldn’t budge. After that, it was like everything had come crashing down, Louis wouldn’t move unless it was to go to the bathroom or do stuff for work. He was cutting more and more, scars appearing more often but barely ever able to fully heal before being reopened. His arm looked like a battlefield, fresh wounds all over it shining a bright red.</p><p>I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t handle the pain of seeing him fall apart right in front of me. I tried my best to fix him, I did everything I could. I threw away anything sharp, anything that could possibly hurt my love, but he still found ways, ways that he refused to tell me. I tried making him eat, I tried being there for him every second that I could, every time he needed me, but in the end, I couldn’t help him. Every effort was in vain.</p><p>I couldn’t take the pressure, the pain. Every time he hurt himself, every time he made a cut, every time he burned himself, hurt me in a way that was unimaginable. I couldn’t bear to see the love of my life break and tear himself down right in front of my eyes.</p><p>Weeks and months passed by and with each passing day, Louis was drifting further and further away from me. Almost every night he would go out and get drunk, rarely coming home until the sun would break into the horizon. Every day I had to take care of him, make sure that he wouldn’t get that bad of a hangover and try to force feed him. He wouldn’t eat anymore, barely able to choke down some broth when he was running a fever, and I couldn’t do anything about it.</p><p>I was slowly losing the only person I ever loved and all he was doing was tearing himself apart even more, finding a new way every week to dig himself deeper into a pit of depression and self-destruction. I watched the blue I fell in love with drain from his eyes giving way to a dark, dull, lifeless gray. I watched his beautiful curvy body give way to skin and bones and I watched his angelic smile slowly disappear day by day.</p><p>I cuddled a warm pillow, wishing it was Louis here next to me, smiling at me fondly begging for a cuddle before sleeping. I let my tears fall, damping the pillow, and as I fell asleep I can feel the presence of Louis climbing in, the stench of alcohol maddening, wiping my tears away.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>~ Now I have none of you ~ </em>
</p><p>It’s too quiet. As I walk into the house, that’s the first thought that crosses my mind, it’s way too quiet. I feel anxiousness spreading through me, something feels off and I don’t know what it is. I feel a sense of dread wash over me and I know that something is wrong. I run upstairs to check on Louis, panic and fear coursing through me. I call his name over and over again, shouting loudly until my voice starts breaking. That’s when I feel something wet against my bare feet, water, red stained water.</p><p>That’s when it all clicks for me. I can hear the tap of the tub running, but Louis never takes baths. I start shaking realizing that this could be the end. I run to the door and try my luck in opening it, but he has never been this easy. I muster all the strength in me to run and slam my back against the door, the pain immediate. I keep trying over and over until my back is sore and surely red all over. With one last final push, the door falls open, a large crack running through the middle.</p><p>I rush over to the wide expanse of the tub to see Louis there, eyes blissfully closed, floating in the bright red water. I start bawling while trying to carry Louis out onto some dry floor. Looking at the ground, I see four orange medication bottles, all empty, not a single pill in sight.</p><p>I can barely see where I am through the thick tears clouding up my eyes. I lay Louis down on the dry carpet of the hallway, 999 already being dialled, panic is rising in my throat every second that passes by. Through the ringing in my ears, I can faintly hear the 999 operator speaking to me.</p><p>“M-My husband tried to commit suicide” I choke out, my voice catching in my throat. The haze in my mind thickens while I explain the details and give them my address. I can barely move, my mind not processing anything but Louis. Everything is Louis, every touch, every smell, all I can feel is <em>Louis</em>.</p><p>I try to push on his chest, hoping that maybe that way he will lose some water, hoping that maybe he’ll be able to breathe again, but nothing happens. All I can feel is my sobs wracking through my body, shaking myself to the core as I lay my head on Louis’s chest, wanting to hear the warm beat of his heart like I used to.</p><p>Through the haze in my mind, I hear the ambulance sirens and the doctors pulling me off, taking him away from me and all I can do is scream, cry and thrash around, hoping that maybe they’ll let me go to my Louis. I can hear the doctors using the defibrillator and all I hope, all I need, is for Louis to wake up, for his heart to start again.</p><p>I need him to come back to bed with me, to cuddle me while we fall asleep. I need him to join me in the kitchen and attempt to cook, fully knowing that he can’t cook for his life. I need him to drag me outside to force me to play a small game of football with him, even though we all know that footie and I don’t mix well. I need him to smile down at me with that radiating smile one last time, to assure me that everything will be okay. I need him to hug me tightly one last time because that hug is my safe spot, my home. Louis is my home, and without him I’m lost, wandering in the midst of nowhere.</p><p>I need him to lie down over my legs while we watch the Titanic and wipe my tears away because I always cry when it comes to that movie. I need him to start tickling me on the couch to get what he wants from me, even though he knows I can’t ever say no when it comes to him. I need him to join me in the shower and start singing along with me to whatever old song is playing from the speakers. I need him to fiddle with my wedding ring again and grin all brightly proclaiming how I am now stuck with him. I need him to kiss me one last time to show me how much he loves me. I need him with me.</p><p>I hope, I pray that he would miraculously survive, that those bottles were already empty, that he wasn’t as broken as I saw him. My heart fully shatters at the words the doctor sympathetically informs me, “I’m sorry Mr. Tomlinson, there was nothing we could do to save him.”</p><p>I go numb at those words. All I can feel is the heavy beating of my heart, which I wish would stop. I don’t want to be here if Louis isn’t, I don’t want to have a beating heart if Louis’s decided to stop. I want to be with Louis.</p><p>My vision is hazy, the rain starting to pour down, my breaths coming shortly in small puffs. I can feel the rough concrete dig into my knees, but it's barely there, just a pinprick in the overwhelming pain I feel. It feels like the whole world has been dropped onto me, without any warning and I have to struggle to hold it, the weight suffocating me. All I can focus on are the salty teardrops staining my face. I can feel my breath catching in my throat as another wrack of sobs shudder through my body.</p><p>It felt like a dream, a nightmare, that I needed to wake up from. I needed reassurance that this wasn’t true, that when I would wake up Louis would be there playing with my hair with a fond smile on his face. I needed him there to tell me that he wasn’t going to go anywhere. But instead he did the opposite, leaving me without a warning, without a goodbye, my I love you’s hanging on the tip of my tongue.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>